|How to Handle Period Stains Like a Boss|
Aug 12, 2016 0 Comments
Raise your hand if you’ve ever gotten a period stain. Now, raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by your uterus because of it. We’re on the same page, then. As if you didn’t have enough to deal with between cramps and an insatiable craving for Twinkies (no judgment, we get it), leaking through your clothes can feel like the cherry on top of the worst ice cream sundae you’ve ever eaten.
But what I can tell you from years of bleeding out of my vagina and straight through my yoga pants is that the worst thing you can do is go all Kim K. over it and cry hysterically. While it may feel like a huge deal, it’s really not. Just like with everything else in life, how you handle a period stain can change the experience from one that you’ll need years of counseling for to one that you can laugh about with your girlfriends later that night.
Your Period Stain Options
So, you’re at work or school or out with your friends and you leak. Maybe you feel it happening. Or, maybe someone pulls you aside and gives you a heads up. Your first thought: is this seriously happening to me? Am I on Punk’d right now? The answer is that this is not a cheesy reality show but, in fact, your life and yes, it is really happening. Uteruses sometimes have a mind of their own and, as their owners, we are left to clean up the bloody mess.
If you get a period stain while you’re away from the comfort of your home, here are your best options for handling it like the boss that you are:
1. Make a beeline for the nearest bathroom.
You’re going to want to head for a toilet right away and begin damage control on your favorite pair of ripped Levi’s. If you can’t make it without being spotted (see what I did there?), either tie a sweater around your waist or gather up your courage, hold your head up high, and do your best Beyonce imitation and march into a stall like it’s no big deal. I mean, don’t do the Single Ladies dance because you will definitely draw attention to yourself and the big red spot on the back of your pants. The less weird you act about it, the less people are going to pay attention. Once you’re in the bathroom, proceed to clean yourself up. Empty your menstrual cup, blot at your pants with a paper towel and some water, and maybe put an extra pad in your underwear if you’re worried about a vaginal strike back. Ok, so this doesn’t really solve the problem of the stain. Pull an Illana and rock that blood stain like it’s the hottest new trend.
2. Change your clothes.
If you’re at work or school, grab your extra outfit (wait, you do have an extra outfit on hand, don’t you?) and switch it out for the stained one. If anyone questions your wardrobe change, do your best hair flip and announce, “My other outfit was so 20 minutes ago”. Sure, they may be wondering why you’ve gone all Drop Dead Diva on them but you won’t have to come up with an alibi for your bloodsoaked pencil skirt.
3. Laugh about it.
There’s bound to be a time in everyone’s life when they leak through their pants and everyone around notices. It’s an unfortunate but real truth about having a vagina. Like I said before, channeling your inner Kardashian is only going to make this feel more traumatic. The best way to make a menstrual leak into something that people will forget about by the time Kanye hits send on his next tweet is to laugh it off. Laughing at yourself takes lady balls, yes, but it’ll just further reinforce the fact that you can’t be bothered with petty things like a little blood. After all, you’re a queen and have better things to do with your time than sweat a natural bodily function gone rogue.
4. Don’t move. Pretend you’re a statue.
Sit at your desk until it’s just you and the janitor. Once the coast is clear, you can make your move. I’m kidding. Getting a period stain in public is really not a huge deal. Sure, it may feel a little embarrassing but ask yourself why. People spill lattes and drip hot sauce on themselves all the time and no one bats an eye about it. The only reason that your go-to emotion is embarrassment is because society has been telling women for centuries that bleeding is gross, shameful, and something that no one should ever know is happening. Show all those period-shamers out there what’s up and rock your period stain like the adorable boss babe that you are.
Tell us, how do you handle period stains?
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