Closing the pleasure gap: Why women deserve better sex (and how to get it)?

You’ve heard of the gender pay gap. You might even know about the health research gap. But did you know there’s a third, equally frustrating inequality that affects millions of women in the bedroom? It’s called the pleasure gap (sometimes referred to as the orgasm gap) and it’s time we talked about it.

What is the pleasure gap?

The pleasure gap refers to the disparity in sexual satisfaction between men and women. And spoiler alert: women are getting a lot less out of sex.

A 2024 large-scale study involving over 24,000 adults in the U.S. revealed that the orgasm gap is still very real and still very unequal.

Men (all orientations): report orgasming in approximately 70–85% of sexual encounters;
Women (all orientations): report orgasming in only 46–58% of encounters;
Men who have sex with men: continue to report the highest orgasm frequency;
Women who have sex with women: report significantly higher orgasm rates than heterosexual women;
Heterosexual women: remain the least likely group to orgasm during partnered sex.

When it comes to first-time sex with a new partner, earlier studies still hold up: around 80% of men say they orgasm the first time and only 40% of women say the same.

So no, it’s not just you. The numbers show a clear pattern of orgasm inequality.

Why does the pleasure gap exist?

Contrary to outdated myths, it’s not because women are “harder to please.” In fact, studies show that 39% of women orgasm every time they masturbate, compared to just 6% during partnered sex.

So what’s going wrong when we’re not flying solo?

1. Lack of understanding about female anatomy

Let’s start with the basics. In a UK survey:

Only 37% of people could correctly identify the clitoris;
Just 51% could locate the labia.

That’s a problem, because the clitoris, with its 8,000 nerve endings, is the epicenter of female pleasure. Yet fewer than 19% of women say they can orgasm from penetrative sex alone. If we want to close the pleasure gap, we need to get clitical and start educating ourselves and our partners about what actually works.

2. Prioritizing male orgasm

Culturally, we still treat penetrative sex as the “main event” and male orgasm as the grand finale. But this narrow, heteronormative view of sex leaves many women out of the pleasure equation.

Experiences like:

Oral sex;
Sensual massage;
Mutual masturbation

are often dismissed as “foreplay,” even though they’re far more likely to result in female pleasure. We need to shift the narrative: in media, in relationships, and in our own minds to center female sexual satisfactio nas equally important.

3. Shame and silence

Despite the rise of sex-positive podcasts and empowering conversations, many women still struggle to express their desires. Years of slut-shaming and societal conditioning have made it hard to speak up and even harder to ask for what we want. But here’s the truth: you deserve pleasure. And you deserve to feel confident claiming it.

How to close the pleasure gap?

Ready to rewrite your sexual story? Here’s how to start.

Get to know your body and mind

Masturbation isn’t just fun - it’s educational. Exploring your body solo helps you:

Discover what turns you on;
Understand your pleasure pathways;
Build confidence in your desires.

Try ethical porn, experiment with different techniques, and take note of what feels good. Then, bring that knowledge into your partnered experiences.

Communicate with your partner

Your partner isn’t a mind reader and every body is different. The key to better sex is clear, honest communication.

If talking about sex feels awkward, try:

Writing down fantasies or desires;
Watching each other masturbate;
Using body language or guided touch.

The more you share, the more satisfying your sex life becomes.

Practice radical self-love

True sexual empowerment starts with self-worth. When you believe you deserve pleasure, you’re more likely to:

Advocate for your needs;
Set boundaries;
Embrace your sexuality.

Try power poses, affirmations, or even writing a love letter to yourself. Remind yourself: you are worthy of incredible sex every time.

The pleasure gap isn’t just about orgasms, it’s about equality, autonomy, and joy. Closing it means challenging outdated norms, embracing your body, and demanding better from your sex life.

At Lunette, we believe that pleasure is a human right and that every person deserves to feel empowered, informed, and fulfilled. So let’s keep the conversation going, break the taboos, and build a world where pleasure is shared equally.

Photo: courtesy of Pinterest